I would like to share with the admissions board my lifelong passion in physical fitness, because it defines an important part of my personality. If accepted into HBS, I expect to be an active member of the school’s athletic communities.

I am five-foot-two, which is very short by military standards. To lead effectively in a “macho” environment like the U.S. Army, I have to demonstrate competency in the physical area. My devotion in martial arts gave me a head start. At MIT, I joined the Korean Karate Club about the same time I enrolled in the ROTC. In 1996, I represented the club in the Green Belt Division of the World TaeKwon-Do Association Northeast Regional Tournament, and won championships in both the form and the free-style matches. In the 1997 Brown Belt Division, I won both contests again. In the 1998 Black Belt Division, I lost the free-style match to a more experienced black belt, but continue to claim championship in the form category.

These awards gave me instant recognition among my bigger colleagues in the Army. In one of my Army sparring classes, my opponent was a boxer, and the spectators thought that I would be beaten in thirty seconds. In fact, it took me only fifteen seconds to win the fight. In 2002, I further proved my physical capability by earning first place in the Female Division Weight-Lifting competition of the 1-43 ADA Battalion Winter Olympics. My commander was astonished after the competition, “Ally, where in that tiny body do you hold that strength?” Bigger is not necessarily better!

Also in 2002, I represented the U.S. Army Air Defense Artillery Branch in the Army 10-Miler, the nation’s largest. Then, in 2003, I qualified for a gold badge in the German Proficiency Badge, and was later certified as a trainer. In 2005, I was a trainer for the 35th ADA BDE in the Manchu Foot March. These are considered very tough physical challenges even for the male soldiers.

Recently, I earned a black belt in Hapkido, and am now an assistant instructor at the Osan Air Base. I may have decided to leave the U.S. Army next year, but that does not mean an end to my passion for physical fitness. It is a large part of who I am, and something that I am very proud of.

Analysis

This essay screams energy. The applicant’s personality is clearly transmitted through her choice of words and her choice of actions. Although her accomplishments can sound like an ineffective laundry list, the candidate manages to paint herself as an action-oriented individual with a strong resolve. She is a leader who also depicts herself as a real champion.

The essay is made all the more powerful because the candidate picked an unconventional way to shine, which has carried through all aspects of her life. Each victory of hers was a triple victory: over the odds, over others, and over herself. She is obviously proud of her successes and builds enough momentum from the beginning of the story for the reader to want to know more about this extraordinary woman.

One caveat of this approach is that this essay fails to explore the bigger picture. A sentence or two explaining how the candidate intends to translate her achievements (mostly physical) and her victories (mostly over herself) into HBS, the business world, and life outside the army would have greatly strengthened this response.

Nevertheless, the reader cannot help but admire this candidate’s determination. This is a classic example of an applicant who was able to convey passion through focus on a single achievement. It is important to note that the lack of passion can turn any accomplishment into a dull, soporific story, but any true accomplishment can be made stellar and memorable if passion is the backbone.

From 65 Successful Harvard Business School Application Essays edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2009 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group