Hometown: Hong Kong SAR

High School: Private school, 83 students in graduating class

Ethnicity: Asian

Gender: Male

GPA: 90 out of 100

SAT: n/a

ACT: n/a

SAT Subject Tests Taken: n/a

Extracurriculars: Varsity squash captain, school newspaper columnist, philosophy club founder, debate club member

Awards: George Livingston Nichols Prize, awarded to the student with the best essay on a historical topic; The Emerson Prize (2014) by the Concord Review for excellence in research and writing on a historical topic.

Major: Government and Economics

College admissions essay editing

“I don’t understand. You are not Buddhist, but you spend so much time studying Buddhism.” I have often heard this statement, but coming from a monk at the renowned Shwedegon Pagoda in Yangon, Myanmar, it resonated more deeply. I was conducting field research for an internship with the University of Toronto, and the supervising professor had tasked me with interviewing monks and pilgrims at the holy site. In the past 2 years, I have engaged in four research projects regarding Buddhism—reading sociology reports, summarizing research papers and transcribing Sanskrit texts—but this was the first internship that required me to interact with practicing Buddhists, not just Buddhist academics. The experience would cement my commitment to understand Buddhist philosophy and history, and confirm my desire to continue my study of Buddhism in college.

I’ve always enjoyed reading about history, especially how societies transformed themselves, whether through war and conquest like the Mongol Empire, or through culture and assimilation like Ancient Greece. The more I read, the more I realized the importance of religious convictions that motivated men and women to accomplish historic achievements—the Pilgrims who endured the winters of hardship to build a new world, the British evangelists who led the global fight for abolishing slavery or the Arab merchants who spread Islam as eagerly as they established valuable trade routes. I did not need to share their beliefs to appreciate how faith shaped their actions. As an American growing up in Asia, and after reading books such as Dr. Robert Thurman’s The Jewel Tree of Tibet, I became fascinated by the way Buddhism helped to transform the great war- like Asoka, Tibetan, and Mongol empires into societies emphasizing peace and harmony. This fascination led me to internships with the American Institute of Buddhism to understand better the beliefs of Mahayana doctrine on Tibetan culture and later with the Gandhari Project team at the University of Munich to learn about the spread of Buddhism in ancient Central Asia.

While I enjoyed these learning opportunities, the research I conducted at the Shwedegon opened my eyes to the relevance of Buddhism in the daily lives of people today. Every day for one month, I stayed for hours at the huge temple complex (the perimeter of which takes about 45 minutes to walk around), watching rituals and gatherings and documenting my observations. My favorite activity was sitting among the sangha (the community of adherents), documenting my observations of discussions that a group of three monks regularly presided over at a side pavilion. In my most memorable encounter, I watched as a middle-aged mother sought advice about her daughter who was considering an abortion. The monks discussed the principle of ahiṃsā (non-violence) and how it applied as well to the unborn. But rather than simply instructing her what to do, they also explained that the gandhabba (the consciousness waiting to be reborn) may arise only several months after conception, thus implicitly permitting early-stage abortions. I sensed no arrogance and no air of superiority from the monks as they discussed these principles, appearing to trust the woman herself to apply these concepts in her own way. I was moved by the simple compassion they showed the woman and recall the deep sympathy and respect I felt for the mother as she struggled to make the “right” decision, even as her advisors could not give a definitive answer.

I did not challenge the senior monk who questioned why I should be studying Buddhism—it was not an appropriate time—but my answer is that I want to understand the society that I live in, and that requires an understanding of the belief systems that motivate so many of us. The Shwedegon experience made me appreciate that religion not only motivates historic achievements but also inspires daily efforts. The experience has made me even more excited to continue to study and research Buddhism in college.

REVIEW

Ryan’s essay begins immediately with a sort of tension and confusion, exemplified through the question posed by a figure of certain authority. And it’s exactly this tension between his lack of personal experience and his passion that he explores throughout his essay. What makes him so interested in Buddhism? Why is it important to him? Ryan strives to address these questions in the couple hundred words in his essay.

It’s not difficult to recognize his intellectual curiosity or his enthusiasm for social studies, and more specifically, history and religion. He describes the pieces of history that interest him, the books that have affected him, and his resulting actions; it’s the perfect balance of information and of personal storytelling. He is able to convey his knowledgeability and his passion without boring the reader with trivial facts or overly technical terms. All things mentioned might be rather abstract, so Ryan leads on to the third paragraph, where things become concrete and personal. He describes beautifully an experience he had—something that made Buddhism more personal, and more prevalent, especially given its application to the controversial topic of abortion. He is honest, he is open, and he is clearly very thoughtful.

Like tying the perfect knot, Ryan returns to the same question that he began with, but this time with a very clear answer. Buddhism might not have the cut-and-dry answers he’s looking for, but there is doubt that he ardently wants to look for answers nonetheless. The essay is well written, fairly succinct, and expresses the sentiments of the author effectively.

From 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, 5th Edition edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group.