Hometown: Hawi, Hawaii, USA

High School: Public school, 67 students in graduating class

Ethnicity: Asian

Gender: Female

GPA: 4.2 out of 4.0

SAT: Reading 660, Math 710, Writing 660

ACT: 32

SAT Subject Tests Taken: n/a

Extracurriculars: Upolu Sediment Mitigation Project coordinator, Kohala Student Credit Union vice president, Kohala Leo’s Club (Youth branch of the international Lion’s Club) president, varsity cross-country captain, varsity track and field captain

Awards: Kohala Merit Shield recipient, Academic Achievement Awards, Academic Honor Roll Award, Empower Accelerated Reader State Award, class rank 1

Major: Psychology

Free example college statement

My story begins even before I was born. My father lived in a world of oppression and persecution. As a child in Czechoslovakia ravaged by Communism, he was compelled to escape to the United States. Later, on the other side of the world, my mother struggled with poverty in Osaka, Japan. How these two distant individuals encountered each other is another marvelous story all on its own. These are the remarkable individuals who created the person I am today. While I am the first generation in my family to be raised in the United States, I still contain a blend of both my parents’ cultures.

After I was born in Japan my parents moved to Lake Tahoe, Ne- vada. Yet that was not our permanent home. Half of the time was spent sailing on the Royal Caribbean Cruise lines on which my father performed. My mother was his assistant, and I was the sweet girl who would be a part of his magic tricks. I also entertained with other performances on the ship. We sailed to a variety of locations including Alaska, the Bahamas, and sometimes to Europe. From a young age, I was exposed to a variety of people every week; socialization became effortless.

The cruise ship would often dock in Cozumel, Mexico, and due to that convenience my family and I moved to the tiny island. At the age of four Mexico became my home. My parents did not hesitate to enroll me in a Spanish school despite my not knowing how to speak the local tongue. My young, flexible mind allowed the new language to easily roll off of my tongue.

All the while, my mother also taught me Japanese. My grandparents who still live in Japan do not speak English and I needed a way to communicate with them. I became a child who spoke Spanish in school, English at home, and Japanese on the phone! For periods of time when my father had lengthier performing tours on the cruise ships, my mother and I would visit my grandparents in Japan. I attended the local school there. My elementary school years were spent floating back and forth between learning calligraphy in Japanese schools and being educated on Independence from Spain in Mexican schools.

How did I end up in Hawaii? I can only seem to recall that the move was because the islands are closer to Japan in order to visit my family. Today, a tiny and secluded community called Hawi is my home. Hawi’s main struggle is to provide numerous resources as larger cities in the modern world. Despite this, the tiny town teaches its citizens lessons that are essential for well being and happiness. This population has educated me in the most imperative lessons and principles I carry with me wherever I venture. The Ohana, or “family” lifestyle has made me a community oriented, social individual who enjoys company and companionship. This rural area also emphasizes the value of dependence on one another, supporting one’s peers, and the importance of making true connections and friendships.

My background is an essential aspect of who I am today. My parents bring together two vastly different cultures; they educate me with the best aspects of both. Travel has allowed me to have an exposure to a vast array of societies, which in turn, has made me comfortable in many different populations. Tied together with the loving and community-oriented lifestyle Hawaii has taught me, I have matured to become a mixture of different cultures and experiences within the common community of my mind. The result? My passion is in discovery. My advantage is my experience. My distinction is my diversity.

REVIEW

Yuki’s essay is among the most personal and most effective I have ever read. She does a fantastic job of weaving together a narrative of her life, telling a story that takes the reader from her birth through the experiences that shaped the person she is today. She starts out by mentioning the vastly different backgrounds of her parents, setting the stage for an essay in which she will discuss the diversity of places in which she has lived.

It is a little bit of a risk to start off a college essay by talking about someone else, because it is important to make sure that your essay is about you. The stereotypical example of this mistake is an essay that expresses undying adulation of a parent. No matter how well written it is, an admission officer might read the essay and wish he could admit the applicant’s mother. After reading your essay, admission officers should have another reason to advocate for your application. Yuki’s essay certainly succeeds in this regard. Because of her personal story, it would be impossible to discuss how she’s lived in Nevada, Mexico, Japan, and Hawaii without mentioning her parents.

In this essay, she provides the reader with a background that gives essential context to the rest of her application. She is successful because she is able to mention her exciting personal background without making the mistake of writing an essay about someone else. Yuki comes across as smart, articulate, and motivated without telling you she’s any of those things.

From 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, 5th Edition edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group.