Sharing the burden - Harvard - Business school personal statement editing

Business school personal statement editing

I had just arrived in my unit, fresh from the U.S. Army Ranger School and the officer basic course, when my company set out on a twelve-mile foot march. By mile five, my radioman fell out of formation, unable to carry the extra weight of the radio along with the normal seventy pounds. Anxious to make a good impression, I eagerly took on his burden.

Around mile eight, I myself started running out of breath. I refused Sergeant Nelson’s offer of help, determined to conquer this obstacle with tenacity, determination, and the stubborn refusal to give up. I marched for another two miles, hyperventilating each step of the way. Then, to my supreme embarrassment, I passed out. The platoon sauntered by me, their stricken platoon leader, as I lay along the side of the road while my sergeants doused canteen water on my groggy head.

I failed because of my pride. It was a lesson that would lead to a fundamental shift in my understanding of leadership. Instead of trying to be the hero of my platoon, I soon learned to accept the help of my sergeants. The ultimate success of the platoon depended on the actions of my squad and team leaders. The reserve of talent and potential there was far greater than anything I could have accomplished on my own. The best leaders, I learned, subsume their need for individual recognition in order to let their subordinates and superiors shine.

I changed my approach and our platoon excelled. Two months later, the battalion embarked on a twenty-five-mile foot march, a test of character and will. I marched at the head of the platoon, setting the example and encouraging the soldiers. My squad and team leaders kept their men in line, distributing the heavy equipment among themselves. Of the twenty-seven platoons in the battalion, ours was one of only two that finished without a soldier falling out. As for the radio, among myself, the radioman, Sergeant Nelson, Sergeant Gryder, and Sergeant Brown, we all shared the burden.

Analysis

“Rangers lead the way!” is the motto of the U.S. Army Rangers. In this essay, Thomson demonstrates how he took this philosophy to an extreme, and as a consequence, failed those under his command. This story is great in highlighting the danger of hubris, and overcoming obstacles with energy, grit, and determination. It leaves the reader rooting for a successful outcome after a humiliating initial setback.

Fortunately for Thomson, he does not fall into the trap of assuming his idiosyncratic setting is enough to carry the essay. Instead, he shows an appreciation of learning through bitter experience. In this regard, he shows the applicability of a lesson across a spectrum of situations. As with the other successful failure essays, this story is dynamic, structured, and compelling, illustrating the evolution of an individual and a leader.

From 65 Successful Harvard Business School Application Essays edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2009 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group