Youthful Optimism - Harvard - College admissions essay tips
Hometown: Sleepy Hollow, New York, USA
High School: Public school, 240 students in graduating class
Ethnicity: White
Gender: Female
GPA: 4.0 out of 4.0
SAT: Reading 760, Math 800, Writing 790
ACT: n/a
SAT Subject Tests Taken: U.S. History, Biology E/M, Literature
Extracurriculars: Orchestra, chorus
Awards: National Merit, Sons of Italy Scholarship, Salutatorian
Major: Biomedical Engineering
College admissions essay tips
Around 2005, my house was constantly strewn with Polly Pockets and Legos. My sister and I liked Polly Pockets, my brother liked Legos, and the amount of time we all channeled into our respective activities was astronomical. We spent more time defining rules of conduct for our Lego world and creating backstories for our Polly Pocket families than we did in the real world. We contemplated the merits of Kraft Mac n’ Cheese and focused our entire beings on who would win family game night. We played until we had to go to sleep, and before bedtime, we would say “save the game,” and our progress in our imaginary worlds would be waiting for us the next day. The Era of Polly Pockets and Legos was also an era of hopes and dreams, of vivid optimism, of dimples and craft projects and of anything is possible.
The 2005 versions of my siblings and myself were naïve and bliss- ful, with thoughts full of “Honey you have such potential” that were only broken by the occasional bad dreams of things far, far away and impossible. Grown-ups fixed the few problems we had, dealing with an outside world of other grown-ups. We were quick to believe in ourselves, blind to anything that did not smack of positivity. The world of fantasy we three children lived in was heavenly, but soon the Polly Pockets and Legos decorating our house turned into “I’m too old for this” and mounting homework and tangible plans for a future that is no longer a vague dream but a quickly approaching reality.
There is a picture hanging on my wall of me, in 2005, grinning, with lopsided pigtails and a missing tooth. The young me wears the expression of a quintessential child and embodies what my childhood was. My cute 2005 image, unceremoniously hung on the wall to fill a frame, has seen me slowly but surely become distant, changed, grown- up and living in the real world. The girl in the picture does not know that Abraham Lincoln did not valiantly fight to free the slaves out of the goodness of his heart. She does not understand how hard her parents work to have her smiling and carefree, does not know the specifics of sacrifice, delayed gratification, or compromise.
It is hard to say whether 2005 me, full of grand expectations and devoid of realistic notions, would be proud of all I have come to achieve. Surely the image of her hanging for all these years has seen me after I failed a test for the first time, after I published a book, after I “broke up” with my oldest friend, after an article I wrote got translated into Dutch, and after I found out I was first in my class. Hopefully she can forgive me for abandoning my dream to be a movie star and marry a prince. She might not like the person I’ve become, or she might see herself echoed in me. Maybe she knows for certain when I stopped being a child and replaced my Polly Pockets with homework and plans, but I think it was when I saw her as a person separate from the person I am now.
REVIEW
In this essay, Sara fluidly depicts the changes her personality underwent during her childhood and describes her transition into adulthood. The reader learns a great deal of her past: her innate creativity from experimentation with Polly Pockets, her ability to compromise and work with others, her vitality, positive energy, and appreciation for what her elders have enabled her to achieve. We also learn about her current impressive attributes such as her tenacity, dedication to hard work, and, rather tactfully incorporated without sounding conceited, the fact that she’s written a book! The essay beams with maturity, and this tone is maintained consistently. The contemplative opening paragraph shows that Sara puts thought into her reflections and clearly has powerful analytical skills. This is an essential component to any essay—showing that as a talented individual one still has the ability to reflect on one’s own development in a critical but fair manner.
The structure of this essay is particularly moving and offers some key takeaways. Sara wisely opens each paragraph with some tempo- ral reference to a distant “then,” i.e., 2005, and contrasts this person with whom she is now. Furthermore, the flow of the essay is impactful as it takes the reader on a journey through Sara’s mind. In just a few hundred words, we see her pragmatism battling with her hopeless optimism and how she deals with a fairly basic aspect of growing up. The order in which she tells her stories shows the shift she faces as a child who has everything solved by an adult, to becoming the adult who has to solve problems herself. The action-oriented personality she assumes is impressive, and Sara presents herself as someone who is ready to take on the countless challenges that college life will pose.
While very strong, this essay would have been improved with a more clear conclusion. The series of uncertain clauses marked by “might” and “maybe” lead to a less concrete idea of precisely whether Sara has come to terms with her transformation. A clearer final sentence with some more direct analysis would have elevated this piece further.
From 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, 5th Edition edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group.
