Sweet dreams - Harvard - Business application essay editing
Business application essay editing
While I share what I have done and hope to achieve, my story is incomplete without explaining the “why.” Alone and with no resources, my mother fled the religious persecution of the Baha’is in Iran to ensure the safety and education of her four children. Like other immigrant families, ours struggled to meet basic needs. Nevertheless, inspired by my mother’s sacrifices and commitment to education, we have emerged from our initial poverty as professionals. I seek admission to Harvard Business School because of an urge to honor the opportunities that both U.S. asylum and my family made possible.
Not only is a college education a mere fantasy for a member of the Baha’i faith living in Iran, but also ambitions of female business leadership likely would be limited to a dream. My mother and sisters instilled in me the significance of rights and freedoms that were unique to both Baha’is and to women in America. Not only did my single mother head a household, but my sisters competed in the field of electrical engineering. Growing up watching my siblings juggle multiple jobs and full-time schoolwork to contribute to our survival instilled in me lessons of discipline, sacrifice, and hard work. I, too, financed my college career, except with scholarships that enabled me to devote my extracurricular time to service. I strove for academic excellence and contributed to helping others just as my siblings provided for my family. I pursue an HBS experience to make my future service more efficient and effective.
When asked where I am from, I respond with an introduction to my family and faith to help the inquirer understand me far better than any declared country or culture. I live by a motto that my work is a form of worship. The wealth I wish for is not limited to that which is measured with dollar signs. Rather, I hope for my wealth to be measured in knowledge acquired, and my success measured in knowledge applied as a servant who enables others to reach their goals. I have raised funds, built a school, and opened a clinic around the world by enlisting the participation and resources that I lacked. I focused less on what material things I have not inherited with my name and instead employed the courage and work ethic that I have toward contributing to a legacy I want it to bear.
Analysis
In this very powerful essay, the candidate effectively shares a very personal story with the reader: a story of struggle, determination, and success. By recounting her personal history, the author clearly explains the service mission that drives her to pursue an HBS education.
This applicant has clearly been impacted by her family’s legacy and its heritage. Juxtaposing small vignettes about herself, her mother, and her sisters, she skillfully weaves in the life lessons that she has learned along the way. This essay exudes conviction, and the author comes across as a person who does not take commitment or responsibility lightly. In the concluding sentence, the applicant expands the scope of her essay from her personal life to what she hopes to contribute to society. She introduces her big-picture vision, which connects the dotted line from her past to her future. The applicant’s ability to connect her personal story to her vision as a service-minded leader and to relate it to the reader makes this essay a success.
From 65 Successful Harvard Business School Application Essays edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2009 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group