The little things - Harvard - Business statement editing

Business statement editing

I wish the admissions committee had asked me: What else inside the applicant personality is valuable to know?

More than just a PepsiCo marketing manager from Mexico with an engineering background, strong quantitative skills, and a lot of extracurricular work on his path to appear as a distinguished candidate, I’m a man who enjoys life. My unique family, my diverse friends and my always unsatisfied appetite for enjoying life, are what move the man inside of me.

My family feeds my heart and soul. I’m the oldest of thirty-five grandsons, and that makes me want to be a role model and create a living example for my younger cousins. Every vacation, I go home to a weeklong agenda of daily family events. Everybody in the family, from my seventy-eight-year-old grandmother to the youngest cousin, participates in each event. That’s the way I grew up and the kind of family I aspire to build.

I value my friends and consider them my biggest asset. They are close to me at joyous events like my birthday, just as they are at sad times like my grandfather’s funeral. I enjoy their different backgrounds and lifestyles—one is a movie director, and another will be a priest next year. Their variety reflects on my experiences. I survived during hard financial times at Monterrey by fixing my wealthier friends’ gardens and cooking them elegant dinners; but just as often with my other friends, I won street soccer tournaments and taught poor kids to read. My friends make me stronger and are part of my greatest memories.

I value my attitude toward challenges. I can find the calm in the middle of a crisis, even if it means confronting my inner fears. I found my way to calm everybody’s panic in the emergency room when my aunt had a car accident last year, and I was brave enough to bungee-jump in Niagara Falls.

Finally, I value my capability of enjoying the “little things” of life. A morning jog is my most inspiring moment of the day. The smile of a little kid moves me inside, and I get pleasure from laughing and making people laugh. I love to enjoy every moment that makes me feel successful, either going back home and giving Mom a sample of a new product I just launched, or having seafood and a beer after a week of hard work.

This is who I am, and this is what I bring anywhere I go. I consider myself fortunate for these things and I am looking to pay back what I’ve been lucky to receive. I consider myself a good man, and it’s how I aspire to raise my kids, teaching them to enjoy the “little things” of life.

Analysis

This essay is about the “little, yet important things in life.” The applicant takes advantage of the flexibility allowed by this open-ended essay question to write a lighthearted yet compelling, description of both his family life and the lessons he has drawn from being a family man. This story highlights the applicant’s struggles and determination and shows that he has not lost his focus, nor has he lost sight of what truly matters to him.

The candidate gives the reader a chance to understand his family-oriented motivations that distinguish him in the context of an otherwise career-focused application. That is exactly why this essay is so memorable. 

Though this response might be accused of “abuse of clichés” and happily-ever-after anecdotes, the candidate strikes an interesting balance between family stories and personal struggle stories, which makes the essay work. Overall, this applicant effectively alternates between anecdotes from his unique family situation and the lessons he drew from it, stressing the importance of family, friendship, and the strength he has acquired from them.

From 65 Successful Harvard Business School Application Essays edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2009 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group