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Example business school essay

This past summer, the VP and the only other associate on my team left Summit. The associate, my mentor, had been instrumental in helping me build financial and sales abilities in sourcing new opportunities. Without his and the VP’s support, I knew that I would be called upon to “step up” and that my leadership would be tested in new and unforeseen ways. This quickly proved to be true when two new associates joined Summit, bringing little work experience and needing significant mentoring.

Thrust into mentoring, I have moved quickly to help the new associates stretch beyond their defined roles, spending countless hours teaching them the technical and interpersonal aspects of our positions. Through both organized and impromptu training sessions, I coach them on sales pitches, industry dynamics, algorithms for quick company evaluation, and financial modeling. Additionally, I advise them on balancing work and personal life, a skill rarely discussed in private equity. Interestingly, mentoring has sharpened my own skills. My understanding of leadership is no longer about getting people “to do or follow”; rather, it is about expanding intellect to release untapped resources, vision, and action. The results corroborate this belief; these new associates have quickly become as productive as more experienced Summit associates.

While becoming the “voice of experience” for the new associates, I have also become a more independent and therefore more useful asset to my superiors. I have embraced the concept of leadership in terms of guidance, using my in-depth evaluation of companies to guide my VP and principal to deals of exceptional quality. Recently, I found a $25 million information services company eager to arrange an investment quickly. Rather than remaining in the background, I again stepped up, joining my new VP in meeting and evaluating the company in person, a rare practice among associates. Today, we are at the brink of a $36 million investment in the company. By assuming some of my superiors’ responsibilities, I have simultaneously lessened their burden and enhanced my own leadership.

When my teammates left Summit, I felt a little abandoned. Though I never doubted my ability to master the leadership challenge I faced, I am delighted to have discovered that I can be both creative and methodical in my quest to lead people and organizations. By consistently focusing on my self-improvement while finding ways to extract teammates’ untapped value, I can be a leader without directly managing people or holding a special title.

Analysis

Many applicants with only a few years of work experience probably identify with Avin’s situation. In fact, informal leadership opportunities in a financial service firm may be one of the most common themes among essays reflecting on leadership experiences. Avin’s employer, Summit, seems typical of companies in the sector where mentorship occurs informally and individual effectiveness is measured in terms of investment returns. Nevertheless, Avin points out that even in these caldrons of seemingly inert leadership, there are always opportunities for individuals to develop into team players and mentors.

Without formal authority, Avin is “thrust” into a leadership position when his firm hires new associates. He quickly learns that mentoring is more than getting people “to do or follow.” So far so good, in terms of explaining his defining moment. But Avin stumbles in trying to state a succinct thesis. The poignant takeaway we are expecting is muddled by businesses. What exactly does it mean to “expand intellect to release untapped resources”? Avin could have done a better job of editing here by simplifying his leadership thesis to something like, “Leadership is about getting people to perform better than they ever anticipated they could.”

Luckily for Avin, his message still comes across vis-à-vis a pair of targeted, brief examples. We understand how he impacted the productivity of the inexperienced associates, while also improving his own ability to develop business opportunities. Indeed, his examples leave very little room for incorrect interpretation or extrapolation. Furthermore, at the end of the day, Avin leaves nothing to chance. In the essay’s final sentence, he ensures that his readers will understand his point by restating his thesis, this time much more clearly. While some essays repeat takeaways unnecessarily, Avin’s conclusion works here by tying together his two very different examples. This type of conclusion often works well when discussing multiple examples in one essay.

From 65 Successful Harvard Business School Application Essays edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2009 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group