Empowerment In Dance - Harvard - College admissions essay advice
Hometown: Chino, California, USA
High School: Public school, 698 students in graduating class
Ethnicity: Asian
Gender: Female
GPA: 3.9 out of 4.0
SAT: Reading 680, Math 740, Writing 750
ACT: n/a
SAT Subject Tests Taken: Mathematics Level 2, Biology E/M
Extracurriculars: Varsity Dance Team captain, Associated Student Body Commissioner of Bulletin, Commissioner of Link Crew, teacher and choreographer at Dellos Dance Studios, founder and vice president of Future Business Leaders of America, vice president and activities director of Leo Club
Awards: San Bernardino County Top 1% Junior, 2016 Senior Miss Dance at Legacy Dance Championship Regionals, 2015 National Champion at Revolution Talent Competition, 2015 National Champion at Starbound Dance Competition, Ultimate Husky Finalist
Major: Undecided
College admissions essay advice
As the lively thoughts in my mind battled for priority of investigation, I was more than content sitting in an empty room with bland, white walls and a shabby, old mattress. Contemplating the endless entities of the vast world that I could explore in my third-grade science project made me feel the significance of my imagination in my seemingly insignificant world of a tiny bedroom. Being confined in such a small space never confined me or my thoughts. In fact, the limited resources that I had instigated the limitless ideas and ambitions that filled my mind. Despite the ironically droning sound of silence that seemed to pulsate for hours while the loneliness encapsulated me, my bustling mind kept me occupied. Deeply intrigued, I sat in my room for hours with piles of books without any sense of time because reading was my only source of entertainment. Simply reading about different intellectual topics left me fascinated and aching for more, providing me with an escape from harsh realities. As the hours went by and my bedroom gradually grew dark, I began to hear the twisted symphony of cacophony that occurred routinely every night. My fascinated state-of-mind, however, had grown accustomed to muffling out the terrifying sounds of the breaking dishes, slamming of doors, and forceful shouting. When I heard the sudden slamming of my door, my mother stood at the threshold with a distressed, terrified look on her face. I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs were shaky. Instead of catching the usual whiff of cigarette smoke, I caught an artificially fruity scent that came from a vape. A vape that represented to me more than an e-cigarette that delinquent teenagers brag about owning. A vape that gave me hope. A vape that convinced me it was possible for daddy to stop hitting mommy and to see mommy smile again. A vape that told me not to give up when my dad would come home late from gambling every night. A vape that did not leave me devastated when my father continued to intoxicate himself. A vape that hung onto every last bit of hope even when the stranger I had a difficult time perceiving as “my dad” was thousands of miles away.
My father’s departure left my family in a difficult situation, financially and emotionally. From sleeping on the floor of my cousin’s house one night to sleeping in a strange motel another, growing up in a constantly changing environment made me thankful to have education as one of the only constants in my life. Although my family was never wealthy, I never felt “poor”; I always felt rich with the extravagance that knowledge provided me with.
Although I often did not sleep in the same bed every night, my dance studio became my second home where I searched for solace. Dance created a liberating atmosphere that left me empowered to conquer any challenge in my life. When the commotions of school and the stresses at home became overwhelming, I could always depend on the simplicity of dance (just music and motion)—yet the art still became so intricately compelling with its freedom of expression and endless possibilities. Despite the athleticism of dance, this artistic outlet gave me a chance to free my mind and to use movement as a reminder that every precious moment of life is one to be celebrated and made the most of.
The world I come from taught me to stop and smell the flowers or, in my case, the vape. Though I was often occupied with worrying about not having the standard resources to succeed, I learned to utilize simplicity to appreciate what I did have. I found inspiration in unconventional objects, scents, and sounds. I instilled the mentality that every problem was merely an illusion of the mind while happiness would come naturally when I made the most of every situation.
REVIEW
In this essay, Maureen shares personal details concerning her family history and explains how they have shaped various aspects of her life beyond home. The inclusion of sensitive details regarding her experiences in a lower socioeconomic class and difficult relationship with her father earn a degree of personal trust from the reader from the outset of her essay. Furthermore, this story demonstrates Maureen’s resilient character and willingness to share personal experiences with others.
Through her past, Maureen attempts to explain her current appreciation of education as a means of escape from the harsh realities she faces at home. As described within her essay, a thirst for knowledge and sheer intellectual curiosity allow her to muffle unpleasant disputes between her parents and distance herself mentally from a difficult situation.
Maureen’s descriptions of her personal life place her accomplishments within a unique context which, without this essay, may be un- appreciated in her application. In doing so, Maureen effectively uses the essay portion of her application to portray her story and her life within a framework which is likely different from most applicants.
From 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, 5th Edition edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group.
