Mother and Daughter - Harvard - Successful college application essay
Hometown: Binghamton, New York, USA
High School: Public school, 320 students in graduating class
Ethnicity: Biracial
Gender: Female
GPA: 103 out of 100
SAT: Reading 690, Math 700, Writing 730
ACT: n/a
SAT Subject Tests Taken: n/a
Extracurriculars: Cheerleading, vice president of student government, treasurer of French club, member of National Honor Society
Awards: None
Major: Environmental Science and Public Policy
Successful college application essay
The event that has most impacted my life and shaped my identity was my mother’s life and death. My mother and I never had a conventional relationship. However, we did share a special mother daughter bond.
Because of my mother’s life and death I am more tolerant. I have a different view now on what determines a person’s worth and I am a changed person. I believe it is a change for the better.
My relationship with my mother was unconventional and often challenging. I had not lived with my mother since I was two years old. She knew she could not give me all the things she wanted for me in life, so unselfishly, she allowed my grandmother to raise me.
She was often in and out of my life, but I always knew how much she loved me. She was always ill; she had bipolar disorder and an array of other illnesses ranging from addiction to leukemia.
I was often embarrassed by her and our relationship. However, as I began to mature, I came to understand more about her illnesses. Consequently I was able to better understand the impact of illness, mental or physical, others might be experiencing. Because of my embarrassment and confusion, I made it so very few people knew about my mother’s situation. I eventually came to realize how many people do not understand the struggles in the lives of others. This realization made me realize the importance of being tolerant of others and being sensitive to what they might be experiencing in their lives.
A few weeks after my mother’s death I was asked the question: “Is a person’s worth determined by professional success or acquired wealth?” I realized that many people in our society believe that a person’s worth is determined by their success and wealth. My mother never graduated high school, she never attended college, and she never had a real job or career, despite her vast intelligence. After her death I was amazed at the influx of people who informed me that my mother was a wonderful person with the biggest and most caring heart they had ever known; how they admired her sense of humor, her affectionate manner, and her capacity to love.
She truly was a remarkable person, not because of a career or money but because of her character. Reflecting on the question, I found myself thinking of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech in which he stated “people should be judged not on the color of their skin, but the quality of their character.” I believe that character is one of the most important measures of a person’s worth.
I now realize that what I want most in life is to make a difference in peoples’ lives the way my mother did for me and others. I am extremely grateful to my mother for her role in shaping my identity and my view of the world.
REVIEW
From the beginning, Eliza makes it clear that she is going to talk about a big topic: the impact that her mother’s life and death both had on her. This sort of essay topic is tricky because, although it provides plentiful opportunities for her to showcase how she has matured as a person, she needs to avoid being too vague about how specifically she has changed. Through this essay, the reader gradually learns more and more about Eliza’s mother, which helps guide the reader in understanding how Eliza’s own views toward her mother and her friends have changed. In this essay, the dynamic growth of Eliza’s understanding is the key to the natural flow of the essay.
That being said, Eliza’s introduction does seem a bit repetitive in emphasizing how “unconventional” her relationship with her mother was. If she were able to condense the first seven sentences, it is possible that she could have used that space to dig in deeper into specific examples of how Eliza misjudged or came to better understand her mother. Alternatively, she could have used that space to better bridge the transition from her recognizing the importance of people’s character to her realizing that she most wanted to work like her mother to make a difference in people’s lives.
From 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays, 5th Edition edited by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson. Copyright (c) 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of St. Martin's Publishing Group.
